Now I thought that was a great title for an article, then I realised that is the name of the book by Bill Bryson I am currently reading!
Now the above photo is what greeted us for our frequent Sunday Walk in Warren Wood, which is part of Thetford Forest. That is the second subject I will gripe about, the first one being all the huge potholes we had to cross in getting to park the car in the layby/parking area. We go on Sundays only, as that is the only day the USAF are not flying. And one of our dogs refuses to walk on hearing the jets. I previously assumed there was no flying on the Sabbath because all the Mavericks were in church, but my writer colleague Iain suggests they are more likely hungover.
Regarding the mattress, presumably someone thought that it had been laid in their front garden for far too long. Now I know mattresses are accepted at our local recycle centre, but hey to dispose of that and all the other items in the background of that photo responsibly, would require thinking and perhaps an element of pride in one’s environment.
There were numerous people in the layby having just parked up, and there many crossing the main road through the forest with baskets, ahead of us, so we were in no doubt it was foraging season.
My Latvian wife is also one that loves this time of year: Free food! And we trod a different path to the one we usually take on our regular walk through that forest. We encountered one Polish gent emerging from the forest with his wife and kids in tow, and on being asked by Zinta as to how well they had done, his response, was it was too late, which we assumed was that he had been beaten to all the finest mushrooms. He was made up when my wife passed him one Bay Bolet she had found.
After that it was every man (and woman) for themselves. The dogs were left to their own devices, and I was commanded to check out the other side of the track for more mushrooms.
Just to show you how naive I am, I found about ten that I thought were wonderful examples, and on again inspecting them I thought she will not like half of them, as they looked past their best to me. So, I dumped those five and later showed the five remaining. “No good, they are blushers” says she and shows me her finds, which were exactly like the five I had just dumped! So, I then dumped the Blushers, and when we got home, her reference books confirm the Blushers are indeed edible, so, the experts can sometimes be wrong. But those of us awake already know that. To be more accurate they are not wrong, they are just lying about what is right, anyway, I digress.
I had the last laugh regards the mushrooms, as I am typing this gripe, drinking wine, whilst she is cleaning and boiling both our collections. Which is a real chore. Then again, she is also drinking wine. It is still the weekend after all.
Going off the beaten track, gave me an opportunity to discover some airborne littering: Those Helium inflated balloons that are used to celebrate birthdays and special occasions or just bought for spoilt kids. I recall seeing on TV some charity releasing dozens of them. They were so proud as they soared into the sky, but of course what goes up, must come down (I worked that out without the need to pick our resident pilot’s brains) And I think I found where they all come down: Thetford Forest!
I saw at least half a dozen of them. Now I usually pick up litter like this, but unfortunately my hands were full of dog leads, dog’s water, bag of mushrooms (this time the correct ones) So I guess those deflated balloons will remain there forever. Or until I re-enter the woods with my litter picker. I own two litter pickers, this and that, both supplied by HH Environmental
I prefer the Streetmaster as the jaws open a little wider, which allows the collection of bottles and cans. This stays in the car. Oddly the other one is unable to pick up large bottles or cans, which is the most common products launched from passing cars, as far as my research determines. I suspect delivery drivers are the main culprits. But there are plenty of other arseholes that do it.
That litter picker sits next to our bins and is used for fishing out any ice cream containers that my wife has secretly tried to bin (I collect them) or items that have incorrectly gone in the wrong bins. Even though we all know that both recyclable and non-recyclable items, all end up in the same landfill site. Recycling is all a charade. Particularly since all those far eastern countries told us they were no longer accepting our plastic waste.
I will leave the last word to a mushroom I spotted during one dog walk in a park, a while back. My wife photographed it, it is one of thousands of photos of mushrooms and flowers she has in her phone. On going through her many reference books, it turns out to be Amanita Phalloides: Deadly! So never eat them, but feel free to offer them to people that fly tip mattresses.