Gripe of the Day Grumpy Old Man Graham Bedford has a gripe he needs to get off his chest

By Graham Bedford on

tin
Alpha India denies responsibility

I happened upon this tin (looks plastic) of paint left in the hedgerow. You are probably thinking this is a rant about Fly Tipping!  No, it’s not, that subject will be covered in another rant.

I am out of touch with not having applied emulsion for a few years, so this tin (plastic) of paint was not familiar to me.

FFWD (gripe alert, Pontiac Dream objects to Abbreviations - see below) to this evening and a friend mentioned how she purchased a tin of emulsion at cost (£30 instead of RRP of £70!) as the shop assistant had mixed the wrong colour having selected ‘Lancaster White’ instead of Lancaster ‘Whitewash’ (or was it the other way round?)

Combine this with an EDP story criticising Norwich Council for the queues getting into the recycle centre to dispose of tins of paint, as the council had set up an amnesty day, and had underestimated the number of people attending to dispose of paint

Which eventually leads me to the topic: Far too much choice.

I have not applied emulsion for some time, being an idle bastard.  But when I last went into B&Q to buy some, I was just overwhelmed with choice, forget colours, just focus on white. This annoyance will apply to anyone who remembers when colour choices were white or magnolia.  

Using white only, as I do not want to enter the strange world of colour names, in the good old days there was only matt or silk. Just checking the B&Q website (www.diy.com) And only selecting B&Q’s own brand of GoodHome you now have matt, silk, soft sheen, durable, one coat (ultra cover) kitchen, bathroom, Naturéa velvet matt, problem ceiling.

I remember the last time I carried out searching with a view to buying, after getting advice from one decorator who only ever uses Dulux (or was it Crown? possibly Johnstones) When looking at one brand only, there is not only those types of finishes and applications listed above, but there are also the trade versions of the same.

A quick look at the same B&Q website shows for white emulsion: 27 brands! 

This is a ridiculous number of options, and accounts for why so many people (me included) have lots of tins (still plastic) of emulsion paints in their garages or sheds.

The good news is that this is all likely to change, and the future is almost exciting, with us heading into our 1984 style of living.  I guess the only finish available will be ‘durable’ as they will need to clean off all the body fluids easily, and the only colours available will be obviously grey.  It’s just whether they choose light or dark grey.