I feel it is time for a little light relief.
People of a certain age will be able to confirm what these images/sayings were advertising so, so long ago:
Carlos Fandango removing his newly fitted wide wheels as he passes through the farm gates.
Leonard Rossiter and Joan Collins as passengers on a flight.
“Dad, do you know the pianos on my foot?.....
“It’s not the wardrobe monsters, you should be frightened of, it’s the .....
I include the link, both to entertain you regarding how good the John Smith’s adverts were, but also in the hope that at the start, you will be subjected to the annoying adverts that now appear constantly on YouTube.
If you got all those clues above correct, then you like me possibly remember them for how entertaining they were, rather than for what product they were advertising. I state that, as being semi-senile, I thought the first two were for Hamlet cigars and British Airways respectively.
Having no TV license, I am spared most of the current crop (crap!) of adverts but do on occasion come across them. Catch-up TV can be particularly infuriating if you are bulk watching a series (or season, if you are American) as not only can you not fast forward through the adverts, but those adverts are all the same. i.e. they are ALL the same three or four adverts at each commercial break. So, one becomes very efficient in hitting ‘mute’ then killing time looking at your phone or iPad (other tablet brands are available) whilst those adverts play through.
Now it goes without saying that those adverts that are family orientated feature a mixed-race family, but do you notice how it is always a black male and never a black wife with white husband? The family are usually all at home being smiley, happy and are so nice to each other! Once again, not a reflection of real life. And I have not laughed at a modern advert in years.
Of late, I have seen the rise of shall we call them ’targeted adverts’ The latest one for me is for portable air compressors. These units can store a volume of compressed air after being repressured up via a USB connection. I suspect these repeat adverts originated with me doing a search on Amazon for one. Thinking that the 12V compressor that sits in the boot of my car with the inflation kit, will possibly fail, with it being 14 years old. I did a search online and then could not justify the expense. So, of all the items searched for on Amazon on that occasion, that was the only item I did not purchase.
Now the advert pops up regularly on YouTube. I have on occasion opened the advert and let it sit amongst all the other tabs on my PC. And when shutting down my PC it clears, only hiding up thinking we have a bite here, go play with his hook next time he is online. I fully expect it will also pop up, if I open something like ‘Spiked online’ which for me now that I no longer subscribe is full of annoying pop ups.
The last time it appeared on YouTube, I opened it again, thinking I really should buy one. So, I started looking at the reviews, obviously all were positive. And it seemed quite odd that all those reviewers, all showing Union flags against their names and all were all from big cities: London, Birmingham, Manchester etc. How odd that only city folk need to inflate tyres, or rather ‘tires’ as their reviews stated, following punctures picked up on ‘highways’
It is still appearing and now states: “last chance to buy this portable inflator before it sells out!”
Now I get why having done some form of searching online, that these adverts for items searched for will re-appear. But there have been occasions when I have had adverts pop up, for items that I know I have not searched for, but have only spoken about, in ear shot of my mobile.
The best example of this was when my wife and I had a conversation in the car on the way to a dog walk. I simply said: “I have forgotten the dog towels” Next time I fired up YouTube, the top advert on the right hand side of the screen was for purpose made ‘dog towels’ Now I know I had not searched for any, I did not even know you could buy purpose made dog towels, I assumed everyone was like us and used tired out household towels.
Another example of this was after opening ‘Spiked’ I turned around to ask the wife how her knee was, turned back to the screen and saw the first pop up had the question above: “Suffering from knee pain?” Now this sort of coincidence is a red flag to a full-on tin foil hat wearer like me.
I was inspired to write this article after watching live TV (whilst away on holiday) We watched the film ‘The Ipcress File’ based on the Len Deighton book. Now that is a film that I would say has not aged well. But one part that intrigued me was when Harry Palmer (Michael Caine) is shopping in a supermarket and bumps into his boss. His superior says, “I don’t care much for these American shopping methods, but one must move with the times”
That was said whilst the pair were studying the various labels on tins stacked up. That film was made in 1965, and I guess this reflects the introduction of the help yourself shopping in supermarkets, rather than asking for items over a counter. Obviously, the term ‘help yourself’ has different connotations nowadays, with the police not prosecuting shoplifting.
Which reminds me: I must come clean for being caught shoplifting. A few months back I volunteered to do the weekly shop at Tesco. We always do the ‘Scan as you Shop’ and everything was fine until I tried to pay for the items, when the assistant said she needed to do a random check of eight items. It turns out the loose ginger in my bag was not scanned! I think I got flustered by the weigh machine not printing a label initially, that I forgot to scan it, when it finally delivered one. And my wife was not around to remind me I am getting dementia.
Well, that is my excuse, but the assistant then had to scan all my bag contents: The shame! We still use the same Tesco, but every time I offer up my Clubcard to the QR reader and the scanner lights up with ‘Hello Graham” I feel in the background it is saying ‘you thieving bastard’
I certainly miss this over-the-counter service, as in the famous sketch below:
But the American shopping methods have changed again, with most items being searched for and purchased online. We do not partake in supermarket shopping online. We tried it once, but I much prefer patrolling the aisles to see if yummy mummies do still exist or are they all wearing ‘Michelin Man’ leggings over their hugely obese figures. With the flesh on show being exposed to display the tattoos!
I have considered doing what some men do and drive their spouse to the supermarket and wait in the car. But even this habit has changed, where once they read a newspaper, they now look at their phones. Occasionally witnessed with the engine running (obviously a company car) or their EV plugged into the supermarket EV charger.
Much to both our disappointments, we do use Amazon far too much. Our only feel good being that we tend to multi-order what we need, rather than have a delivery most days. So white van man is less frequent here, than at some of our neighbours
My last purchase being lubricating oil for my car. I use a specific brand, and the alternative to online is driving to a motor factor, after calling them to ensure they have it in stock. Amazon brings up all the price options of different suppliers, it also offers choices for oil filters and delivers it to your door the next day. It really is too easy to consider buying items by any other method.
As my wife has Amazon Prime (paid for by me obviously) which includes free delivery. I do the search, decide what I need, I then WhatsApp her the link, she orders it, and I smile for the camera when the Polish delivery driver hands me it the next day. I look forward to the day when there will be an option for the driver to change the oil and filter.
We did step away from Amazon a few months back for a replacement digital bedside clock. After 30 years’ service, my trusty old Westclox had given up the ghost. I originally wanted to replace it with the same. However, that model is no longer made, and that brand’s current offerings are a bit pricey. Amazon offered dozens of choices and out came the ruler to visualise the dimensions. You can even buy Dementia clocks! My head was in a spin over choosing one, so my wife suggested we support the local hardware store (no longer worked in by Ronnie Corbett) and on visiting, they had only one to choose from. I bought it, and it does the job, but it is far from perfect as this review confirms:
Graham from London
For: Nice size in both numerical display and item itself, perfect level of backlight when night button activated. Shop accepted cash.
Against: Came in solid plastic packaging that stopped trial of the buttons before purchase.
The night light button ‘clicks’ on pressing and wakes up my bed partner on pressing it.
The time display is in 12 hr format only, I prefer 24 hr clock.
Surly service from guy behind the counter