Thailand is in some ways like Italy and India. Hot, and lovely food with kingdoms of five former rulers. Chiang Rai, where I live, is in Lanna and the statue of its former king, Meng Rai, is its central feature.
There are remnants of the original centuries’ old city wall. When Lanna aligned or amalgamated with Siam and other kingdoms it became Thailand, the “Land of the Free”. I still prefer to call it the Land of Rain. Slavery existed before it became Thailand, hence the name. A lot that is comically portrayed in ‘The King and I’ is undoubtedly and luckily true. Much of that culture thankfully exists and is why it remains one of the most popular holiday destinations and the most marvellous place to live.
Unless they know you well Thais rarely wave their hand to say thank you or hello; they may give you a subtle but respectful nod of the head. Most westerners will not notice this gesture. I didn’t for quite a while until my wife explained it to me. I would recommend, “The First Englishman in Japan”. An informative story about the intrepid William Adams. Men could have their heads chopped off for not nodding to a Samurai on the other side of the street. ‘Geisha’ is another favourite book about Japan and perhaps my favourite film of all. What lives they went through.
My wife is also brave, like the Geisha girl, intelligent, compassionate, proud, ultra-sensitive, hardworking, inquisitive, resilient, patriotic, resourceful, strong while being feminine, and incredibly beautiful. I could describe most Thais that I know thus. They are the most beautiful people in the world.
I chose Chiang Rai for my first visit because it is not a major tourist attraction, and I don’t do beach holidays. It was a nice change for my young daughter who used to fly to see me in Oman. I enjoyed the holiday so much that I returned 5 months later but alone. The manager, reception staff and waitresses were all lined outside to meet my daughter but there was just me. They were disappointed because they called my daughter, “Water Angel”.
Many of the girls chatted with me at dinner and I agreed to teach them how to swim. I took them to a sports shop and bought their swimming costumes and we went to a nearby hotel as it would have been bad form to do it at the River House. That’s when I got to know Sa a bit more and we went for a meal. I suggested that she should visit me in Oman. She replied, “Impossible”. There’s nothing impossible if you set your mind to it and that’s how, a year later, we married in Southampton. We had a Thai Buddhist ceremony several months before where you can see we literally tied the knot.
All Thais have a nickname. That is because no one can pronounce their official names that tend to twenty letters long. I exaggerate a million-fold but you get the gist. So they tend to use short Western type names like Sam, Mint, Mink, Bank, Beer and so on. My wife may be an exception that proves the rule.
Her name is Saisunee but she has only been known as the abridged monicker of ‘Sa’ by all of her friends and family for most of her life. It was only when I called her Saisunee a few years ago that her closest friends came to know her proper name. Try looking up ‘Saisunee’ on Google. If you do find it, it will be an obscure Thai female singer from many decades ago. Personally, I think it is most delightful and encapsulates her perfectly. Just pronounce out loud both the short and long versions to get the idea.
Sa is fluent enough in English and speaks with a Thai English accent which makes life easy. She struggled to pay for her English classes but did so knowing that it would help distinguish her from others. Before you think she was privileged, her parents were village farmers with no money. 
Thailand is the world’s biggest exporter of rice as you can judge from the next picture that is just one rice field on one of my favourite cycling routes. Lanna is known as the Land of a Million Rice Fields.
It is estimated that only five percent of Thais speak English fluently. From what I have seen I think they are the ones most well off as a result and the most beautiful. Sa is also a fantastic cook and loves Italian and English cuisines as well as Thai food, obviously. Thai is a truly difficult language; best avoided if possible. There are over 40 characters and 5 tones to master. Blimey. It will do your head in.
I have a hypothesis that Thais actually like speaking English. It’s just that they are very very very very shy and do not get many opportunities to practise. Every Thai that I have met speaks lovely English if you politely and carefully tease it out of them. Waitresses, nurses, bar maids, neighbours, restaurant owners, teachers, cooks, shop assistants, waiters, police men and women, cleaners, bankers, doctors, solicitors, delivery drivers and monks. Say Sawadhee Krup and then Good Morning or Good Afternoon so they know that you are English. Speak quietly but clearly. They like that especially. Do not intimidate them; they are exceptionally sensitive. Joke with them in the most gentle fashion. They like that even more. In summary, treat them like the most beautiful woman in the world. None will mind that you cannot speak Thai. That you love and respect their culture is enough. They know that their language is tough for a foreigner.
The next picture was taken at Doi Tung. Doi means mountain and Tung means holy banner. It’s at the border with Burma and is my favourite place to visit in Thailand. The previous king’s mother lived there in a beautiful villa made of wood. You can just see it in the top right-hand corner. 
Another Thai woman is stupendously clever and effectively my personal bank manager. As an example, I was recently using a cash machine to update my bank book for the immigration police. I didn’t know, until I turned around, but she was stood right behind me to help if there was a problem. She sorts out every possible banking transaction within seconds. I don’t even get the chance to print out a queue number ticket. Instead it’s, “Good morning Mister Mark”, with a Wai and a smile. If you don’t know what a Wai is please see the picture below. 
Thailand could teach us all how to control immigration. Few people are allowed in. If they are they need shed loads of money. For Farang mortals a non-immigration visa is the affordable norm. It is not a secret kingdom but 96 percent are Thais; similar to Japan. Coming from several genetic backgrounds Thais are not necessarily one identifiable indigenous group. Just like the English. But you can call a Thai a Thai.
They are as different to Chinese, Koreans and Japanese as people from Cornwall are different to those from Lancashire or Perthshire. One can identify regional differences. Young Thai men in Koh Samui wolf-whistled my then girlfriend from Chiang Rai and called her a “Japan girl’ and ‘China girl’ because she has almost white skin, when not working in her gardens. By contrast, in the south most are much browner with different, more angular, faces.
I was helping a few young Thai children to learn English a couple of years ago in my wife’s village. One cannot use the word, ‘teaching’ because that may imply working for money. I noted that there are several similarities with the United Kingdom. Our flags are red, white and blue. The following photograph was taken in a cruise boat in Istanbul and makes my point.
We both have monarchs, now kings. We drive on the left-hand side or, as I like to say to our American cousins, the right, correct, side. There is a military and historic reason for that. When crossing paths we carried our sword in our right hand.
Our populations are broadly similar at 70 million or so. We are both known as rainy countries; different kinds of rain I admit. In Britain there is the drizzle from the Southwest and the Atlantic Conveyor that allows palm trees to grow on the West coast of Scotland. In Thailand we have monsoons caused by the Himalayan mountains that pushes the flow of air upwards gathering moisture as it does.
Polite, kind, courteous, intelligent, passionately fearless but deferential. Neither invaded for over a thousand years. There must be some common denominators. Or there were until quite recently. Being English I do follow all of the rules in Thailand: I don’t want to be deported, for a start. Something which Sa occasionally gets grumpy about: the fact that I insist she follows the legal road driving rules as well. It is often said that a husband cannot be a driving instructor for his wife. I taught Sa how to drive and we are still married.
As I gently remind her, we have no rush to get anywhere - we are retired. I think I have the sensitivity to help her develop in confidence without her getting grumpy. Too much. If she does get grumpy then I need to promise to buy her a new handbag or pair of shoes at Charles and Keith in the Central Mall. She has gained the confidence to drive properly and carefully although needs a rare reminder about keeping her hands 10 to 2 so that she can later drive my manual transmission pick up truck without getting flustered.
It was reported a few years ago that a British man was beaten and killed by some local Thais several years ago. They were drinking white whisky and making a lot of noise. He stormed in and shouted down to them to be quiet. The court decided that the Thai men were right to defend their freedom to get drunk and to make a lot of noise. This was not a simple case of Thai v Farang. I suspect that he approached them as a righteous Westerner rather than understanding their culture. These men work really physically hard in hot, tropical conditions and they are hard men: watch Muay Thai. They don’t get paid a lot of money. They just wanted to wind down.
To shake hands gently with a Thai woman is almost to break a sacred cultural barrier but when you do, they love it because they really do trust you to be gentle and to be kind. It’s a leap into the dark for them. Today I met a beautiful waitress that I have not seen for over 2 years in my favourite restaurant, Chivit Thamma Da. “Mister Mark I know that you are English, we talked 2 and a half years ago”.
There is a story of a Thai princess who was in a boat. The boat over-turned in a river. She could not swim because, at that time, Thai women were not allowed to do physical sports. They were expected to be beautiful only. She was drowning but none of the male crew could touch her because she was a princess. She died. I would judge that is probably a true account. It’s why I taught Sa and her friends how to swim.
The White Temple is my favourite place to go for a bicycle ride and to stop for a coffee.
