I need to get the brief ones out of the way first, to allow me time to concentrate on the really annoying subjects of signage, advertising, littering etc. On those: articles to follow.
Wing mirrors
They stopped fitting mirrors to front wings in the 70s, it is time to stop using the term.
Windmills
A rare few of the wind powered structures that give the iconic Norfolk look, were indeed windmills, but the vast majority were windpumps. i.e. pumps for draining the marshes. So, confusing the terms can be partly forgiven. But those monstrosities that when turning are supposed to be the future of power generation, most certainly are not windmills.
Automated doors
Especially the ones that open as you walk past with no intention of going into the premises. What was wrong with good old push/pull? We are supposedly moving to a more sustainable environment, so they install these contraptions at great cost, that consume power. They are likely to only fail in the open or closed positions. But it would be great fun to see one fail mid position, thus barring entry/egress to the fatties.
Push/Pull doors
Why fit a pull handle, when you need to push? other than for entertainment purposes.
Cables with memory
You love your new hedge trimmer and are relieved not to have chopped through the cable (three times to date) You coil the cable from palm to elbow and put it away. Next time you use it, the cable has twisted into some figure of 8 and remains twisted for the rest of its life.
Cash with memory
The material for the new notes is horrid, fold it and you have a permanent crease. Drug dealers must have an awful time dealing in wads of the stuff. Me thinks it is the stepping stone of dislike to encourage people to accept cashless. The only good thing is it can stay in your trouser pocket whilst they are being washed. Unlike your tissue which you find shreds of forever after.
School hazard lights
A great idea, but why are they on throughout the summer holidays?
Glue
Anyone had success using it? Other than glueing a finger to a thumb. Would you trust holding a cup of tea over your lap, after glueing the handle back on? Then there are the specialist glues that after initial use, just harden, so that on trying to use it for a second time, it is either solid or gel like.
Unpronounced letters, and trying to explain that to foreign wife
e.g. W in Norwich and Answer, L in Salmon. Note. My wife enjoys these anomalies: “as otherwise English would be even more of a primitive language”
Words with different meanings that sound the same
e.g. Hole/whole. So/sow/sew
Pronunciation of words, with no identification for different sounds
e.g. Target vs Agenda and Major vs Manor.
Live vs Live. As in: “he is a live wire, let him live”
Recently created words or terms
“Challenging” or “challenged”
“Empowered”
“Loved ones” instead of family and friends.
“My partner”
“Awesome”
” Hashtag”
“Fantastic” (especially by waiters taking your order!
“Issue” instead of? was it previously “problem”? I have an issue with that recent introduction.
Word spell checker
I do occasionally get spellings incorrect, so it is invaluable. But now it wants to improve your grammar, which is sometimes annoying, because I usually prefer my poor diction version. Worst of all it suggests not using certain words, e.g. for “damn” it states: “Vocabulary: This language may be offensive to your reader” The word “fuck” oddly did not get the same response.
Typos
We all make them, and yet I am far better at seeing other peoples, than I am at spotting mine. But they really should not occur on Government paperwork, nor company documents, but they do. You also find them on company websites. Does no one proofread these before uploading?
O is a letter, not a number
In typing the o above, I used the letter key, not the zero on the number keys. Now why when dictating a set of numbers, e.g. a telephone number, do people use o instead of zero? In a similar vein, why do written articles mix numbers written as numbers, but also letters. "As we march out of Wellington Barracks for the first time, I'm fairly sure everyone will grow a good eight to 10 inches," said Lt Cdr Elliott. Why not: 8 to 10, or eight to ten, or even 8 to ten?
The fixation on replacing capital letters with lower case (are capitals offensive?)
My bank: Nationwide, sorry nationwide has just done it. BP -> bp, BT -> bt.
Sign language on presentations
Usually found in conjunction with woke politicians or late-night TV. TVs do have subtitles.
News readers saying: “This report may contain flash photography”
Here’s a consideration: Make a statement that “Every piece of News external footage may contain flash photography” Then never ever say it again.
Modern paints/stains
Water based are nowhere near as good as the spirit based.
“Google it”
Nearly as ubiquitous as saying “Hoovered up”
Sexism
Whilst watching Motorcycle Racing, I note there are not too many Brolly Blokes on the grid. Which is so wrong. But the PC lot have gone over the top here: Why start putting ugly women on telly, as News Readers and Weather girls? That is just plain wrong.
Restaurant ordering
Since when was it obligatory to ask: “any allergies?”
Packaging
Why is it that certain items, require to be packaged in something so secure, that they require a pair of scissors to get to the contents? You aren’t going to be “returning that item in it is original packaging!” Mainly as it is covered in blood, from you slicing your hand open, in getting it out of the recently cut razor sharp plastic.
I know I covered this, but our latest purchase; a wall clock so impressed me with the packaging. It was attached to the box with a couple of screws using penny washers (they have been saved) It was rather obvious that they needed to come out, and the opening of the box was the usual challenge. Once we got in, there was a set of instructions in there, that described how to open the box!
Accidental mobile calls
I have never made a video call in my life and have no intention of doing so. But I have made numerous with my phone in my pocket or in placing the phone down after sending a message.
Non-parallel parking lines in car parks
You step out of the car and think how well you have parked, in seeing how in line the offside is to the painted line. Then go to the nearside: aah
Placed bunches of flowers at the side of the road
We will never know how that person lost their lives, perhaps they stepped out of a dangerously parked car with a bunch of flowers in their hand at an accident black spot and got wiped out.
Product adverts that feature Celebs
Yes, I wish I looked like George Clooney, acted as well as Di Caprio and drove as good as Lewis Hamilton. But the expensive timepieces that they advertise are no more accurate than cheap watches. And I suspect a big chunk of their hideous expense, is covering what they paid you.
Product launches that feature Celebs
Yep, guaranteed to put me off buying the latest Range Rover product. Seeing that guy from Homeland, being chummy with that talented JLR designer (whose name escapes me) is not a reason for me to want one.
Council Tax
One person living in a larger house pays more in Council Tax, than four adults in a smaller house…. that’s fair.
Water Rates
One person living in the same size house, as four adults, working half the year away offshore, and having many holidays during field leave. Using 10% of the water, but paying the same water rates, because it is linked to Council Tax…even fairer.
Racism
Boring, and overuse of the word, is leading to racism. “I am an arse, but because I am a black arse, you are a racist” We cannot have an advertising photograph of a group of white people: No, not PC, we need to be inclusive: One black, one Asian, one child, one disabled, one ginger ……. That’s more like it
PC/mobile updates
Guaranteed to be less user friendly, than the previous version.
Interviewers apologising for swearing by those being interviewed
Stop it! Considering Jack Miller only said, “it’s bloody hot”. Neil Hodgson, you deserve a slap.
New housing developments named after the picturesque area that once existed there
e.g. ‘Tulip Fields’ or ‘High Forest’
British Policemen using foreign vehicles
You would never see a German equivalent in a Volvo or on a Honda motorcycle.
Lorries in the fast lane
They try to overtake the lorry that they were benefitting from the drag effect of. They pull out, make no progress in overtaking it. Sometimes they pull back over behind again. Others play the game of ‘let’s see what length of tailback we can achieve, and stay there….forever! If on a dual carriageway: you cannot even undertake them both Latvian style.
Cif
How do you pronounce it: kif or sif? And is it a 50:50 mix of Jif and water?
Eastenders
No more needs to be said………. ok then I will: It is depressing shite and should be banned.
Gravel drives
Impressive, particularly if long and posh, otherwise they just advertise that you cannot afford block weave. Keep the contents there. Not on the path as ankle turners or on the road to challenge two wheeled riders.
Road signs in English and Gaelic
I noticed this on my last motorcycling tour in Scotland (I am certain it will also be the same for Wales). That additional language had been added since my previous visit. Obviously paid for, by the British Taxpayer. Now, doubling the words makes for a busy road sign, for whose use? How many Scots speak Gaelic? And those that do, will also speak English.
No words necessary
