In recent times, the term "leftover women" (剩女, shèngnǚ) has become common in China and refers to urban, educated women over the age of 27 who are unmarried and, therefore, unwanted. It has sparked widespread debate on issues of sex, culture, economics and social change.
In China, there has always been strong expectations for people to marry and start families. Women especially were expected to be married by the age of twenty-five and arranged marriages were, and still are, common. I myself was made to go through the process, with my mother engaging a matchmaker, who arranged ‘interviews’ with boy’s families. Each time, there were so many people attending I did not even know which boy they wanted me to marry.
My husband, who I arranged by myself (and still am), has joked that I probably did all the talking and made it plain what a difficult, uncontrollable woman I am. He’s right. None come to anything. And, when Deng Xiaoping opened the door, I left. I have been to cattle markets here that bring it all back.
Nevertheless, China’s modernisation, urbanisation and the CCP’s 1979 one-child policy, (now abandoned) had a profound impact on family life and the ratio of the sexes, producing a situation that is considered very serious by many., including the government.
The term "leftover women" was first popularised about the time the CCP abandoned its one-child policy, in the mid-2000s, by the All-China Women's Federation, a government organisation, to describe women who were perceived as being too old to find a suitable husband. It quickly became common in the media, usually carrying a negative connotation.
It is a complex issue, and all is not as it seems at first glance. Over the past few decades there has been a big increase in the number of women pursuing higher education and professional careers, causing many women to delay marriage. As women become more financially independent and career-oriented, traditional roles are challenged, creating tension between societal expectations and individual aspirations.
The one-child policy resulted in imbalance, with more men than women in the population. Logically, this should have made it easier for women to find husbands and to be more choosy about them. But we never read about left-over men, who can still find partners as they get older. Also, more and more Chinese men are looking for foreign girls, who are considered to be less demanding that young Chinese women.
Many women do not want to get married, at least not in their twenties, but typically, an educated, urban Chinese girl looking to marry will demand a good apartment, in a nice area, a good car and, especially, an often huge hongbao, or Red Pocket gift, frequently in the tens of thousands of pounds or more from the groom or his family, together with a gift to her family for raising her to join the groom’s family. Frequently also, a prospective bride will expect her new family to pay to educate her brother! No wonder that many men look for foreign women, who make no such demands. Russian, Ukrainian, Thai, Vietnamese and even African women are popular.
The migration of young people to urban areas in search of better opportunities has changed the social fabric of Chinese society. Urban women, in particular, face different pressures and expectations compared to their rural counterparts. But still, the label of "leftover women" carries significant social stigma and women who remain unmarried beyond their late twenties are often subject to judgment and pressure from family, friends, and society at large. All this has created a competitive marriage market, particularly for women who are highly educated and successful.
Parents and relatives often exert pressure on women to marry, fearing that their daughters will be lonely or face social ostracism if they remain single. The government-controlled media has emphasised the stereotype of "leftover women" now that it is panicking about a falling population, and TV advertisements and news articles often depict unmarried women as undesirable or incomplete.
The stigma associated with being a "leftover woman" can lead to social isolation and mental health problems. Women may feel pressured to conform to societal expectations, even if it means compromising their personal happiness and goals. Some are pressured into rushed or incompatible marriages, resulting in unhappiness or divorce, almost unheard of when I was young, but very common now in China.
The pursuit of higher education and professional success is a double-edged sword for many women. While it provides financial independence and personal fulfilment, it also contributes to the perception that they are "too ambitious" or "intimidating" to potential partners.
The cause of much of the problem, the Chinese government, and the demographic imbalance resulting from the one-child policy, is now concerned about a declining birth rate and an aging population. Marriage rates in China are plummeting, declining from around 13 million in 2013 to below 7 million in 2022. Meanwhile, the number of divorces hit a record high of 4.7 million in 2019, more than four times higher than two decades ago. This led to the government mandating a ‘30-day cooling off period’ before divorcing. This worked for a while, but the number of divorces has since jumped up again, 25% percent in 2023 from the year before.
The Chinese government’s campaigns to encourage marriage and family formation, and efforts to improve support for working women, such as providing better maternity leave policies and childcare services have therefore, met with a poor response; the young, urban women especially, just do not want to marry early and have the three children the State would like.
But it is not only the State that is worried about the falling birth rate and the ‘problem’ of left over women. The women’s parents and grandparents are also very worried and piling the pressure on. For years now, parks all over China are filled with them, the parents of left over women, advertising their daughters for marriage. They fill the parks with posters, giving their daughters’ details of educational attainment, qualifications, job status, salary and anything they can think of that might attract a man. The men stay away, but their parents and grandparent come looking to see if they can find a suitable match for their boys.
The whole thing is an emotional roller coaster for the women involved, as shown in this short but powerful video, which emotionally brings across the pressure China's lovely but lonely left over women face.